Anxiety

There is a scream inside my head

And it will not let me rest

Around me, the silence is maddening

Inside me, this scream is deafening

 

It envelopes every resting thought

It swallows my imagination

Around me, others walk contently

Inside me, my heart paces rapidly

 

This scream in my head is rather needy

Time of day or responsibilities are not priorities

It decides when to come and go

Not satiated with yes or no

 

It needs complex answers to impossible questions

To hear it’s echoes in places unmentioned

Legitimacy, it needs

For the anxiety and guilt, it feeds

 

So where’s my release?

You tell me

It’s certainly not in this 10 x 12 box

With chipped walls and ceiling rot

It’s not in this endless stream on my laptop

 

The stream of sound that lives in me

So loud I can’t remember to breath

It’s the cancer that rots my bones

The substance abuse that kills my soul

The scream that none but I know

That slowly etches its toll

 

These content beings in their silence, kill me

Just shut up and give me peace

If not peace, give me apathy

For once, let me feel nothing

 

Or find a way through the synapses of my brain

Down my left or right membranes

Through my fists or my mouth

Please, just get out

 

Quit tainting my every thought with dry rot

Quit drowning me in negativity

Distracting me from possibility

Let me be

 

When I try to muffle the cries

This screaming, I can’t subside

Like it lives deep within me

In parts I can’t reach

 

So I carry on in this 10×12 box

With chipped walls and ceiling rot

All the while, this scream in my head

Steals the night from me again

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Ode to Social Media

The digital web of egos shout, “I’m right”
While logic drowns in digital noise
Submerged in static, too blind to see
It’s not bombs, guns or military toys
That’s not what will destroy

This arrogance, This ignorance
Talking with our ears closed
Trust me my friends
Our weakness we’ve long since exposed

Poems of my past

We’re tiny vessels in this big machine

Moving product and paper disguised as dreams

Fueled by fear and cheap champagne

Smuggling anesthetics to forget the pain

—

We walk these roads of self-deceit

A mix of rain and oil swirled beneath our feet

Glowing bright to distract our eyes

From our bodies crumbling into inevitable demise

—

Brick by Brick these walls grow higher

Wall after wall we simply grow tired

Of breaking down these barriers

It’s a disease and we’re all carriers

—

We’d rather slowly rot from inside

Escape behind our walls to hide

Than stare love in the face

And break down these divides with grace

—

We’d rather slowly rot from inside

Escape behind our walls to hide

Than admit that we care

And lay our chests bare

—

So I’ll keep you at an arm’s length

Manipulate the definition of strength

So that it fits my present tense

So that it fits this perpetual state of loneliness

And I know you will do the same

It’s all the same baggage with a different name

We’ll lie naked like lovers

But we could not be any more covered

Fall-ing

As the leaves change

Strange as my moods

Green like insecurity

Yellow like promise

Red like passion

–

My branches can’t shake em

Can’t shake this itch; this feeling

Something big is approaching

My body would die for leaving

–

My body fights its stubborn roots

Something’s missing here

As the green falls around me

I know you feel it too my dear

–

I’m rooted here

In love and memories

Shade and comfort shedding

Bask in this with me

and say you’re staying

–

Cause this war is all but civil

I can’t be the only one who sees it

See this war is deep and it is buried

I won’t trust those who can’t feel it

–

But you’re beautiful like rain

Rare but familiar in a way

Like you’ll wash it away

Oh please don’t go away

Sink deep and move slow

But please don’t go

–

My dear technically I’m dying

But it’s merely just the season

There’s life left here

I can’t be the only one that sees it

I won’t trust those who can’t feel it