Anxiety

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There is a scream inside my head

And it will not let me rest

Around me, the silence is maddening

Inside me, this scream is deafening

 

It envelopes every resting thought

It swallows my imagination

Around me, others walk contently

Inside me, my heart paces rapidly

 

This scream in my head is rather needy

Time of day or responsibilities are not priorities

It decides when to come and go

Not satiated with yes or no

 

It needs complex answers to impossible questions

To hear it’s echoes in places unmentioned

Legitimacy, it needs

For the anxiety and guilt, it feeds

 

So where’s my release?

You tell me

It’s certainly not in this 10 x 12 box

With chipped walls and ceiling rot

It’s not in this endless stream on my laptop

 

The stream of sound that lives in me

So loud I can’t remember to breath

It’s the cancer that rots my bones

The substance abuse that kills my soul

The scream that none but I know

That slowly etches its toll

 

These content beings in their silence, kill me

Just shut up and give me peace

If not peace, give me apathy

For once, let me feel nothing

 

Or find a way through the synapses of my brain

Down my left or right membranes

Through my fists or my mouth

Please, just get out

 

Quit tainting my every thought with dry rot

Quit drowning me in negativity

Distracting me from possibility

Let me be

 

When I try to muffle the cries

This screaming, I can’t subside

Like it lives deep within me

In parts I can’t reach

 

So I carry on in this 10×12 box

With chipped walls and ceiling rot

All the while, this scream in my head

Steals the night from me again

Ode to Social Media

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The digital web of egos shout, “I’m right”
While logic drowns in digital noise
Submerged in static, too blind to see
It’s not bombs, guns or military toys
That’s not what will destroy

This arrogance, This ignorance
Talking with our ears closed
Trust me my friends
Our weakness we’ve long since exposed

My Thinking Spot

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Here I sit

Where imagination meets reality

They crash together a million pieces

And I don’t know which is which

Here I sit

In the place I call home

But it doesn’t feel like home

Its absence of love confirms I’m alone

Here

I sit

Where the flickering jungle meets the absent sky

Where cars fly by and I don’t know who’s inside

But I wonder if they’ve felt this pain in me

And where they sit to let it bleed

I wonder if they know they aren’t alone

That they have left their mark some place

They may not even know

Because no one ever lets you know

Here I sit

Where expectations meet reality

And the difference nearly shatters me

They don’t know

I’ve stared at this paper too blurry to see

I’ve let this cynical world tear at every ideal in me

This relentless hope is quite possibly killing me

My imagination sees what it wants to see

And so desperately wants to be reality

So I sit

I come to grips

Let the ice cold certainty wash over me

You had your way with every part of me

I imagine setting fire to the bridge in front of me

But that’s not reality

You’ve left your hand in the way

And I don’t think you’ll ever know

A pain shoots in my chest when I wonder

If you have too felt this blow

But no I won’t let you know

And that is my truth

So here I sit

Where my present meets my past

And I try to find light in the shadow its cast